I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize