it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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