I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
