And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
