Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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