I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize