I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
