Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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