i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drunk is not a location!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
