I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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