After last night, I could never be a politician.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
