it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
