Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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