wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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