so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
