Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
