a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
