when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
