I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
