What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
