I need help removing her.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
