you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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