Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
