people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You pole danced in your parka.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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