why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
