Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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