My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
