Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
