I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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