Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
