I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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