I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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