Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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