take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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