my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
