I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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