They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
