I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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