I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
