hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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