you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
