By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize