that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
