Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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