tell your sister to shave her snatch
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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