quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
