I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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