I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
