Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
