He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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