FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need a beard to bite.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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