We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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