Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
