that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
