ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
