Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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