Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
