Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
