I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
