Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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