I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
