The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize