she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
