I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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