this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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