If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
