I need help removing her.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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