I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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