There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
