Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
