My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
