I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
