so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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