Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Text me some of your sweat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
