just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize