I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this boner is exhausting
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
