I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
