i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
