Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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