i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
