I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
