mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
