Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
