she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize