my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
