i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
