Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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