when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
