hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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