I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
