just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
