You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
