My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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