I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize