Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
