FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
