sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
