we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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