my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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