no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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