we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
