I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Terrible idea I love it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
