That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When are your genitals available?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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