She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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