You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
