i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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