I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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