you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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