Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
